Monday, October 29, 2007

Jeezum crow

It's been a while. Oops.

Danny is doing very well - no sign of freaky BP drama. His knee is still bothering him and we're in a bit of a battle with the hospital over who should pay for it. The good thing to come out of all that was that we're talking & thinking about our health more than we ever have. And, oh, what fun we have with that.

I had my follow-up appointment with the new doc today. We went over the results of my recent blood work & ultrasound. She told me to keep the WW going and we'd talk again in a few months. Geez. No congrats on quitting smoking, even! Huh?

It's no shocker I need to lose weight. So, finally, I decided to get a gym membership. One of the benefits of marriage is a cheap joint account at our local gym, where Danny's been a member for years. Tomorrow will be my first visit. That sounds great, no question here about the fact that exercising and eating better are better for me and my potential offspring. The best part - Danny's footing the bill. What a guy. I'm sure that means I'll have to play racquetball partner at some point...

Still no warmth from that doctor, though. During both visits I've had some pretty emotional moments - no response. When I leave I just feel discouraged. Blech. I know she's smart and experienced and has had great information and blah blah blah, but I really want to feel a connection. Is that so much to ask? Maybe it is when it comes to doctors. We've had such shit luck with other doctors lately that I feel like I should stick with her even though I'm not getting what I want out of it. Any advice out there? I also feel like jumping ship and finding another doctor. Or just saying screw it and going with a preferred provider to save some money. A significant chunk of money.

Another thing on this clinic... when I talked to the nurse last week, she said I'd most likely be prescribed Metformin based on my results. Nope. She also said I'd need the endometrial biopsy, which I prepared for today. Nope. The doc basically said 'Maybe someday...' on both of those. The doc also brought up Clomid at one point, but then changed the subject. When I asked about it, she said she's sure I need it, but doesn't want to give it to me now. I know, I know, I know, I know I know, because my bod's not ready. Man, don't fatties reproduce? Umm, yes, otherwise our population would be dwindling. Enough about that. It makes me kinda mad and sad.

Oh wait, there's more. When I got home from the doc's I turned on the TV just long enough to see a talk show all about dead beat dads and baby mama drama and meth moms... what the hell? Alright, I'm done being pathetic for now.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

New news

Jonny's home! I'll see him tonight and I'm totally psyched.

I talked to the nurse at my doc's office yesterday and she said:

-I definitely have PCOS
-My bloodwork looks ok so far (but they haven't received all of the results yet)
-My endometrium is too thick and I'll need a biopsy soon
-The enlarged ovary is just because of the many cysts, nothing scary

So - I can relax until my next appointment.

Thai Kitchen with Jonny tonight. Yum.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Alright already

Wow - I know I went on and on with that last post, but there was a lot to say. I have trouble being brief sometimes. I should have emphasized that Danny is doing just fine, but we are keeping a close eye on how he's feeling. He does have a bum knee now, so he won't be returning to racquetball as soon as he'd like. I tried to call him at work a few minutes ago to check in and see how he's feeling, but he couldn't come to the phone. I could hear some patients screaming in the background so it sounds like a wild day at the psych hospital. I don't imagine he'll be able to rest his knee today. He almost stayed home from work, too, bummer.

So I know I shouldn't have, but last night I spent some more web time investigating the findings from my ultrasound. Why did I do that? I want to call my doc and find out what the deal is, but she probably hasn't even seen the pictures yet. I don't want to waste time worrying about nothing. What use does worrying serve, even if it is something nasty? Which it isn't.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

No more hospital

It's been a while since my last post - but we've had our hands full around here.

On Tuesday, Danny went to see his doctor and was prescribed medication for high blood pressure. His doc said that he wasn't sure whether or not he needed the meds, but said to try them and come back on Friday to follow up on some blood work. Danny took the first dose on Tuesday and the second on Wednesday. Throughout Wednesday, Danny noticed that he wasn't feeling great. When I came home from work, we looked at the info printed on the meds' insert and it said that a little light headedness at first was normal. Danny decided he felt well enough to continue with his traditional Wednesday (D's Friday) night plans - out for drinks with the boys.

Around 11:00, one of Danny's brothers, Patrick, and a friend, Angie, showed up at our house with a stumbling, out of it Danny in tow. Danny made his way upstairs and I helped him settle into bed in the guest room. I wondered what was going on - it's not like Danny to get plastered, which is how he appeared. Pat & Angie explained that Danny had something like a seizure while they were out and so they took him home. They hadn't seen it, but another friend said that Danny was sitting on a bar stool and suddenly his head tilted back, he made a snoring sound, and his arm shook at his side. Danny's eyes were half closed and he was unresponsive to voices or touch. After about a minute, he snapped out of it but broke into a heavy, cold sweat.

I called the local nurse emergency line to ask about the meds and tell them what had happened and they said to get to an ER right away. When I told Danny we were going to head to the hospital, he refused to go. This is not unlike him, as he's not crazy about doctors. But he wasn't speaking clearly and he was definitely not himself. So then I called 911 and paramedics arrived in about five minutes. They checked his blood pressure and saw that it was running pretty low (about 90/50) then ran an EKG. It was so surreal - all of this going on right in our bedroom.

The EKG results didn't show anything unusual, but the paramedics still said he needed to get to the ER. Once again, Danny said he didn't want to go. But they insisted, and after a while Danny finally agreed. He didn't take the ambulance, though - I drove. Pat met us at the hospital, which was nice.

In the ER, they ran another EKG with similar results. Danny was hooked up to BP, pulse, and oxygen monitors and had an IV site put in to draw several vials of blood. He was able to talk with the doctors and nurses, but Pat and I filled in a lot of missing information since he wasn't always making sense. The ER doc ordered a chest x-ray to see what might be going on with his heart. Danny was wheeled down to radiology on a gurney but during the x-ray he had to stand up. The wooziness came back and Danny blacked out again, this time falling onto the floor.

They quickly brought Danny back to the ER and hooked him back up to the monitors. What followed was the scariest time of my life. The new BP reading was even lower, and dropping. They hooked up a sugar drip to his IV and told me to keep him awake. Danny was unresponsive to all of my talking and poking. After a few minutes, an alarm went off on the BP monitor. Pat grabbed one of the nurses, who set the machine to continuous BP readings. The lowest reading was 66/34. They increased the IV drip and fluttered around the bed, adjusting wires and checking the monitors. They adjusted the bed to drop Danny's head below his heart.

Finally, after a long half hour, Danny's BP came back up. He was able to make eye contact again and then able to talk. While his pressure still wasn't ideal, it was stable and rising. The doctor came back in with results from the blood work and x-ray. Everything looked fine, so our likely culprit, the BP medication, was blamed. We were sent home at 5am with orders to take it slow for a while and watch for more dizziness.

I held it together at the hospital - it was like I was with one of my clients. I've done the medical emergency thing before with work, but never like this. On our way home, I cried a little with relief. On the phone with Mom the next day, I lost it. I hate to even think about how scary and unreal the whole thing was.

Danny still felt lousy on Thursday. I stayed home from work to be with him and we had visitors all day who had heard what happened and wanted to stop by. He slept a lot and barely ate, still feeling woozy.

On Friday, we both had doc appointments that had already been scheduled. Mine was back at the hospital for a pelvic ultrasound and a 2 hour fasting/glucose round of blood & urine tests. During the ultrasound the main findings were that I definitely have ovarian cysts (lots of them) and that my right ovary is much larger than my left. I'll learn more about all that in my next doc appt, at the end of this month. When I looked up 'enlarged ovary' online, all I found was awful stuff, so I'm done with that research.

Danny saw his doc (the one who'd prescribed the bad news meds)and told him what had happened. We expected an apology or something, but that wasn't going to happen. The doc did agree to take Danny off the prescription (we had already thrown it out, of course). Danny has another appointment coming up with a podiatrist to check out his foot, which has been causing him pain for years.

Well - after all that, we sure didn't feel like returning to the hospital. But we did. Tonight. When Danny blacked out and fell at the ER, he tweaked out his knee. He called the hospital tonight to let them know, and they asked him to come back in. So, back to the ER we went for more x-rays. They told him he has water on the knee and to take ibuprofen. We wanted to be on the safe side, and especially wanted to let them know he'd been hurt while under their care. Why did they make him stand when he was in there for blacking out? He could have at least leaned against something. Anyway, we're Hoping the hospital will spring for the second visit.

And I'm still not smoking.

Monday, October 8, 2007

First snow

Yesterday morning, Danny woke me up before leaving for work to tell me that it snowed in the night! I popped out of bed to see, and it was just beautiful. We got a little over an inch of snow. As the day went on, some of it melted but most of it stuck around.

Nice - the first snow of the season. Early, too. We always have plenty of snow by Halloween, but usually don't get any 'til later in October. Now it's cold. It was only 19 degrees out when I got up this morning. My car didn't want to start. It seems a little soon to be plugging it in every night, but it really doesn't like the cold.

I was looking around online for a photo of our first snow and found this little piece about life in AK:
Anchorage is surrounded by mountains, the scenery is beautiful any time of the year. You can still find moose and squirrels and birds and even sometimes bears in the neighbourhoods around it. If you go outside of the city is another story. super wild. that's where it is richer, in the variety of fauna and just the views are breathtaking. You name it: Bears, Eagles, Fish, otters, Moose, Deers, even penguins.

Deers? Even penguins? Maybe at Santa's workshop.

Today marks one week since quitting smoking. I can definitely feel the difference in my chest. I can take big, deep breaths with no yuckiness. It feels great! As for the urge to smoke, it's still there, but not as strong as it was. I can smell the stink when I'm around smokers. I'm glad I don't smell like an ashtray any more.

Later on this week I'll be headed to the hospital for my blood draw. Danny will be making his own deposit, too. He got some solid advice from a friend who had the same testing: open the container before you get started. Good point, I thought.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Right Now

I'm feeling much better. And lucky, really, to finally have a doc who knows what she's doing. This comment about the new doc, left by cd & sp, helped: She sounds really thorough and in the long run, that's what you want. This is definitely not "immediate gratification".

I remember when Carrie on Sex and the City said something like, 'Delayed gratification is a sure sign of maturity.' It struck me as true, making me think I hadn't quite reached that maturity level. I guess I'm still working on it. Not just with this whole fertility thing, but everything. I prefer instant gratification. Who doesn't? Danny. He's so damn patient and makes decisions with prolonged deliberation and debate. Me, I like a much faster pace. I'm not the most patient person on the planet, and it always surprises me how patient others can be. Especially my mate. Just one of the many ways in which we are opposites.

I stayed home from work for a while this morning nursing a headache. The headache is gone, but I wanted to stop in here before driving out to the office. This is the first day I've really wanted a cigarette. I'm sure the headache had something to do with that. But rather than delay my gratification, I am denying myself. Visualizing telling my doc a month from now that I still don't smoke is keeping me going right now. All of the other reasons & motivations are too long term to give me any satisfaction at the moment.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007


I just finished the last post and read it and thought - hey, I can handle this! Now I feel much better.

Thank you, computer.


Well, I had the appointment and I still don't smoke. That's about where I'm at.

The new doc went over my records from the old crappy doc and proved that, yes, the old doc was indeed crappy. For starters, she said she's not even sure I have PCOS. Of course, PCOS is a strange thing and weird to diagnose. But, my diagnosis was based on less investigation than the new doc would accept. So, I'm up for some blood tests. They will be going over 12 points - some hormonal, some insulin related, some I'm not even sure about. But I remember that her script had 12 bullets on it.

Danny is up for a little test of his own. Because this doc wants to cover all of our bases and start in the least invasive manner, Danny will be having a semen analysis. He took it very well when I told him about it, making lots of dorky jokes. Actually, he was so great about the whole thing! I came home from the appointment feeling pretty lousy and he was cuddly & supportive & sweet & funny. Just what I needed. Lucky man - he gets his jollies while I get the speculum. Again.

The doc was happy to hear about WW and said to keep that up. She seemed doubtful about my ability to quit smoking cold turkey. She was visibly shocked to hear that I'd been prescribed Glucophage by the old crappy doc without any testing first. If it turns out that I am insulin resistant and my blood levels show I can handle it, that will be the med we'll try first. If I'm not insulin resistant, then she wouldn't even recommend it. As for Clomid, she suggested we try it eventually.

Eventually. As in not today. I've been psyching myself up for today as the beginning of the whole deal and it turns out the beginning will take a lot longer than I thought. In my head, quitting smoking and working on weight loss were the beginning. But that's only part of it.

A scary thing she told me was that the whole time I haven't been having periods I should have been taking something to clean things out every couple of months. The build-up sitting there for so long screws up hormone levels and increases the chances for uterine cancer. Not that I'm freaking that I have cancer - but another test later on down the line will set that straight. I'll be having an endometrial biopsy, which sounds like a blast.

I know this isn't exactly the end of the world, but it got me so friggin down! I'm sure it's the combination of wrong-headed expectations & nicotine withdrawal, but I've become uber emotional. I cried on my way home from the appointment. Cried as I told Danny about it. Snapped at someone this morning (she deserved it, and the lecture I gave afterward). Smiled my way through my boss's baby shower. Cried again when my boss asked me how the appointment went. I'm not a crybaby, really! And the last thing I'd like to do is get all boo-hoo-hooey at work. I guess I'm human, oh well. I had another good cry when I got home tonight and saw the pamphlet, 'Understanding your fertility problems,'sitting on my coffee table like it belonged there or something! The cheesy 80's couple on the cover and the illustration of a semen sample inside... jeepers. It's written at about a 4th grade reading level, so it was actually kind of handy for the rate at which my brain is processing information lately. But depressing.

My next appointment is right around Halloween. We'll be reviewing our delightful test results. In the meantime, keep on truckin' with the WW. No smoking. Get on prenatal vitamins. Ok to still drink coffee - phew. Sounds like I'll need it.