Right Now

I'm feeling much better. And lucky, really, to finally have a doc who knows what she's doing. This comment about the new doc, left by cd & sp, helped: She sounds really thorough and in the long run, that's what you want. This is definitely not "immediate gratification".

I remember when Carrie on Sex and the City said something like, 'Delayed gratification is a sure sign of maturity.' It struck me as true, making me think I hadn't quite reached that maturity level. I guess I'm still working on it. Not just with this whole fertility thing, but everything. I prefer instant gratification. Who doesn't? Danny. He's so damn patient and makes decisions with prolonged deliberation and debate. Me, I like a much faster pace. I'm not the most patient person on the planet, and it always surprises me how patient others can be. Especially my mate. Just one of the many ways in which we are opposites.

I stayed home from work for a while this morning nursing a headache. The headache is gone, but I wanted to stop in here before driving out to the office. This is the first day I've really wanted a cigarette. I'm sure the headache had something to do with that. But rather than delay my gratification, I am denying myself. Visualizing telling my doc a month from now that I still don't smoke is keeping me going right now. All of the other reasons & motivations are too long term to give me any satisfaction at the moment.